Distraught about my Birthday nightmare…..I’m so depressed right now I don’t ever wanna go anywhere/do anything ever again! I don’t even wanna live anymore, cos I’m so deeply upset and affected by the trauma of having to life my life knowing that this Birthday could’ve been a dream come true but was instead the ultimate birthday nightmare! I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate my whole world, and once again I hate myself, so much so I’d even say I despise myself, I want to die dear Lord, please take me away from this horror!!

Happy new year everyone, hope u all enjoyed ur celebrations and have a fab 2012!!!!

Pissed off at the whole fucking pointless world and all the bastards that are so far fucking stuck up their own ass that they can’t see how thankful they should be for any kind of positive attention from anyone that is sooo wayyy better than them in just about every possible way except in their bank account balance and influence or power! Especially after the fucking pathetic bastards have treated them over the past 7 months! Its at times like this I’d love to be a member of the mafia!!!

I’m dizzy, sick, sore throat, +tired!! also fucking depressed because of a fucking certain worthless bastard called J N what a fucking loser, so immature, stupid, + fucking annoying seriously I wanna kill him I’m so mad with him right now! Die fucker die!!

From tomorrow dec 15th 2011 until Christmas day at least I’m going to experiment to see how little food I can actually survive on. I will document my progress with thoughts feelings etc. + try to prepare the next days diet ahead of time so I can tick off as I go what I’ve eaten

For 2morrow then I will have no breakfast except a black coffee

Lunch will be a probiotic drink and a large glass of fresh orange juice

Dinner will be a bowl of soup a bannana + mayb an apple!

The rest of the day will be either water, green tea, coffee or ice lollies!

How little food can a person really survive on?

I hate fucking traitorous bastards that my sisters and nieces are! I wish I cud slap the 3 of them for being such 2 faced bastards! I’ll never be any good for them I wish I was dead so I didn’t have to put up with their worthless crap of bullshit pretending they are so helpful and sweet and all and then stabbing u in the fucking back with their oh I’m not going there today I’m doing this instead and tough shit! By the way u so suit the place where u are now u its such a great place for u its just so much better I’m sooo glad u went to the school u did. (Dig, dig) not ur school (ur aunts school) it wouldn’t be good enough for u ur a top dancer u have to go to a top school! Not ur aunts one its not in ur class!!!
U r some type of god that should be adored and glorified! I wanna slap her wee disloyal fucking face everytime I see her! The one that comes to me will miss today but not the wee traitor bitch that goes to the other school, oh no we couldn’t have that now could we? Its not the type of school u cud miss!
Fucking bastards the lot of them!

I can’t believe the weirdo that just tried to get into our house! I wanted to get the police but my mum said he was just drunk and said not to bother but even if he was drunk it wouldve served him right to land the police on him for causing such a nusiance at 2am!

I don’t know how to deal with life anymore I wish I was dead if I can’t be anorexic I want to die right now!

I can not handle this anymore I wish I was completely anorexic right now or that I will die tonight if I can’t be anorexic before my holiday I really mean it lord my nerves will never let me handle it if I’m not anorexic by then!!!

What’s the point in me being alive if I can’t have Nick and if I can’t be super anorexic skinny? I don’t want to live anymore if I can’t have those things, without it I have nothing to live for so my best solution is to get out for good!